I constantly find myself falling behind in things in life, I'm pretty sure it's my fault but sometimes it feels like there's too much going on and yet I do find ludicrous amounts of time to just sit and watch tv etc. I think it's because as of yet I have not learned how to balance my life out. Some days it feels like I do a lot and other days I take it a easy so I can have enough energy to get through the day and  get a lot done but then sometimes all of a sudden it's 4pm and I haven't done much. Now it's 1:30am and I did laundry, mostly cleaned my room, worked on a video for youth group that I meant to have finished today but it's probably not even half done now and I'm super stuck for what music to use. It's awesome....oh well, of to Edmonton tomorrow! and that my friends will be awesome.

So lately things have been crazy in my life, ok well in my Starbucks life. I don't want it to be like that, there are a few people who have been consistently calling in sick and we just don't have the staff to cover them. I try to do what I can but to be completely honest I don't want to be there for Starbucks all the time, it's not the job that I want to focus my energy on. For multiple reasons, one, I don't feel like I get much in return for what I put into that place and two, my youth ministry is what I care about, at least I want to, lately it's been difficult. I hate when I'm upset with a friend and I feel like either I'm not justified for how I feel or even if I am I can see their side of it but it doesn't matter because it still bothers me so damn much. That is Starbucks related but I don't think I should delve into it because I don't want to let it bother me when it probably shouldn't. I don't want Starbucks to get to me so badly that I want to quit, and today, although their was basically a bio-hazard problem (drains backed up and flooded the washrooms) I was having a good day and my shift went quickly. I mean I didn't have to clean up the mess so that was good, it happened while I was on my meal break. Still, if things keep going downhill I'm gonna have to hope that they will improve soon because it's difficult when work is chaotic and my home life is chaotic cause I'm living between places. And underneath all of that is still me, wishing I had him in my life. I don't know who he is I just wish he was there. That guy that I should be with, where is he, and why are there so many of us who so greatly desire to be in a relationship, to stave off the loneliness, someone we could call, someone we could lean on, someone that could hold us. I know as a Christian I often feel like I shouldn't feel like that because God is always there for us and loves us so much but oh for someones voice, someone that loves me and who I love. That would be great, I wish I didn't want that but I'm human so I do and I wonder if it will ever happen. I feel like I'm being overly emotional and depressing but hey, if I can't spill my guts here I don't know where else I would go.

So here's the current score, gallstone one, April zero. Ok it really isn't that bad. For now the doctor has told me I do have a fairly large gallstone but it's up to me whether we remove my gallbladder or not. If I have another attack then I should call him and we'll start setting up stuff, if I don't then I could be good for awhile, you can go months or years without your gallstone bothering you. Soo for now, we're just going to wait. However, my hemoglobin is down, I don't really know what that means but for today it meant another blood test to see if it still was down. If it is I think he's going to call me back and we'll figure out what to do. Not a clue. Apparently though, if I do decide to have my gallbladder removed it takes a month to get an appointment and then another 4-5 months to actually get in. Good times huh? So here's hoping it doesn't bother me much anymore or that if I do get it removed that the wait time will be attack free. I think that's the final word for now, I'll let you know if there's any other news.